ABC's of Neopagandom

Geoff Johnson

Just to confuse you all:

Altar- To change, deform, or rearrange.

Black Magic- Magic used by those with much pigmentation in their skin.

Centering- In the case of public rituals, this practice in done to alter the alignment of text on flyers.

Circle- A term used by techno-Pagans when refering to circle-dot mode, the storage of binary units using a code of plane figures with a bounding edge equidistant from a fixed point where some of these figures have dots, and some do not.

The Craft- A movie made in 1996 by Sony Pictures which stars Robin Tunney.

Cove- A small sheltered bay, creek, or inlet of the sea.

Coven- Referring to or being cove-like.

Discord- The appropriate musical notes to be played at dis time in the ritual.

Esbat- Spanish for "it is a flying mammal."

Flying- Something which witches do. Recent surveys show that TWA is the most favored method, though some traditionalists stick with smaller single-engined airplanes.

Glossary- A place where they add gloss to ceramics.

Grounding- When all young children who have misbehaved during the ritual are sent to their rooms for the weekend.

Hain- Sam Hain, founder of a successful company which makes underwear.

Handfasting- During protests, this is done to ensure the difficulty of ones removal by use of handcuffs.

Incense- When capable of reasonable judgement, when acting sensible.

Jack-o-lantern- In the Pagan playing cards, it is the card of the suit of lights (traje de luces) higher than a ten but lower than a queen.

Karma- An old Star Trek term from the original series which stands for Klingon and Romulan Military Alliance.

Lammas- Animals of south America of the family Camelidae.

Magick- An art made popular by David Copperfield and Harry Houdini.

Nine- The most Pagans you can fit in a standard phone booth in Iowa City. (Trust me on this one)

Orgy- The ending often used by technopagans at the end of their URL.

Pentagram- A five sided cracker.

Quest- What deities send you on when they are bored and have nothing better to do.

Rowan- A term used on slave ships when the slaves have rested long enough and need to continue rowing.

Sabbat- Of or relating to hydrogenated organic compounds. The term comes from the French chemist Paul Sabatier.

Skyclad- A material similar to nickel-clad, though with ozone instead of nickel.

Spell- A turn at work, a shift.

Talisman- Opposite of Shortisman.

Underwear- See Hain.

Virginity- Sorry, no Pagan I've talked to seems to know what this is.

White Witch- A Caucasian member of the Wiccan religion.

Witch- Pronoun, what one or ones of several things pointed out. Used as a relative in a subordinate clause representing a noun or noun phrase in the principal sentence.

Xerox- The easiest and quickest way to go from a monotheistic religion to a polytheistic one. Though it may cost you ten cents.

Yorkshire- A place where they make a type of bread, perfect for rituals, though they call it pudding.

Zygurmist- The one who devotes his or her life to studying, in order to make rituals more fun.