Top 21 Good Things About Hell


  • None of that annoying check-in procedure like with St. Peter.
  • Due to recent health code changes, vats of boiling brimstone now use low-fat canola oil.
  • Your "Do you smell something burning?" slays 'em, year after year.
  • Plenty of legal help available for filing "wrongful death" lawsuit.
  • Newly passed law: Three strikes and you're back in LA.
  • Satan's confused attempts to torture masochists can be highly entertaining.
  • No need to pack the parka over Bob Dole's election chances.
  • Well, sure, it's hot, but it's a *dry* heat.
  • Free prostate checks and PAP smears administered daily!
  • The surprisingly entertaining "Hitler and Kathie Lee Show."
  • Every Thursday is Karaoke Night, hosted by Dean Martin and Sammy Davis, Jr.
  • Prizes awarded for best crank phone calls to God.
  • Everywhere you look, there's a smoking section!
  • Big step up from Bakersfield.
  • Your little "blue flame" trick now produces spectacular results.
  • Free Microsoft software for everyone (as per agreement made back in early 80's).
  • Now that you've followed her advice, you just might get that date with Cindy Crawford.
  • 52 smmmmmokin' channels of Jim Carrey!
  • Saturday night WWF tag-team bout between Genghis Khan, Vlad the Impaler, and Hitler.
  • Everyone gets a length of pipe and a daily crack at Nancy Kerrigan's knee.
  • Fortune to be made on "Welcome, O.J." t-shirts.


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