T'was the Night Before Christmas

Modern updated version

Anon

T'was the night before Christmas- Old Santa was pissed
He cuss out the elves and threw down his list

Miserable little brats, ungratefull little jerks
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works

I've busted my ass for damn near a year
Instead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hear

The old lady bitches cause I work late at night
The elves want more money - the reindeer all fight

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS

And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from IRS sent me a letter

They say I owe taxes - if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money

And the kids these days - they are the pits
They want the impossible ... Those mean little shits

I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls ... Their arms, legs and heads

I made a ton of yo yo's -No request for them
They want computers and robots ... thinking I'm IBM!

If you think that is bad ... just picture this
Try holding those brats ... with their pants full of piss

They pull at my nose - they grab at my beard
And if I don't smile ... the parents think I'm weird

Flying through the air ... dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees

I'm quiting this job ... there is just no more enjoyment
I'll sit on my ass and draw unemployment

There's no Christmas this year ... it 'Yule time' for me
Now, part Pagan, part Witch ... a NEW kind of 'FREE'.